what I thought was love was loathe.

My last break up was a little over a month ago, and my ex now despises me for "dumping [him] for another guy." I didn't dump him for someone else, I dumped him cause he was ruining my life and taking control of me. He always made me feel guilty. Every slip up I made on aim was copy+pasted what I said over and over. He got jealous easily (ie. At prom, I was walking w/ my bf and I saw my friend standing up against the wall waiting for his gf to come out of the bathroom. I pointed out a lipstick kiss mark on his cheek, and he tried to wipe it off, but ended up smearing it. I went into the bathroom, got a wet paper towel, and wiped it off. My bf got so pissed b/c he thought I liked my friend as more than a friend. He said I was mothering him, and started crying and stormed off. On PROM!!)

Another example --this one of attention wanting-- is if I'm holding his hand while sitting at the "hang out" table at our school, if my friend from 4 ft. away called me over, and I walked over to talk to him/her, he would tell me that night on aim that I forgot I had a bf and totally ignored him. The same if I'm walking w/ another friend. I'll tend to talk to them more if I care about what they're saying, so my ex kept getting pissed that I was ignoring him.

This one shows desperation. By the end of the 1st week we were going out, he told me he was madly inlove w/ me. He kept making me feel guilty "I can't say I love you b/c u don't love me, yet." He kept this up for weeks. Finally, I got so sick of it, I said "I love you. I'm madly inlove w/ u." And it was all downhill from there. Apparently I was doing stuff that lovers wouldn't do. He *always* said "words say nothing. Show me w/ ur actions" cause apparently I said a lot of nice words, but didn't do anything. He always said, "I wish I could spend more time w/ u" so I once replied "me, too" and he imediietly said "then why don't u find a way u can." And I told him I didn't know of a way. He said "u need to think. If u really wanted to, you have to think. Ask ur mom if u can come over? That's an obvious one." My mom said mon. Wed. And friday I could cause we already saw eachother in school. I told him and he got mad. "Wtf?! What about tuesday and thursday? Can I go over?" this bullshit went on for days. I have millions of more stories like: we talked on aim *every night* and when we signed off (at 12 to 2 in the morning) he'd call me to say good night. Well, we fought nearly every night (it was rare if we didn't) and one night, we had a huuuuge fight. He said "I'm so fuck8ing close to breaking up w/ u". And I forgot to ask "are u gonna call me?" at the end of the convo......BIG mistake!! He got mad and said "why don't u wanna talk to me?! if u love me, why don't u show it?" and crap like that. I look back on it and wonder why I didn't say "cause I don't really love you" but then I remember how angry he gets and how violent he gets when he's angry. He always talked about how he would shoot the mother fucker that talked shit about me.....wow. I sure pick the assholes.